Just do it. (Story Time)

Today after work I was walking over to panera to get this delicious green tea. While I was walking into panera this dude with dreads compliments my hair and a girl sitting down at his feet, agrees. I of course said “thank you much guys”! I the. went in and ordered the most delicious green tea known to man, and while I was ordering it I was thinking and felt the desire to go talk with them. You could tell by looking at them that they were transians. So I walked out and said hi to them, introduced myself, their names were Grace and Glen. I just chatted with them a little bit and said goodbye and God bless. As I was sitting in my car I felt like I should go back and talk to them a little bit more. So I went in my purse grabbed a $5 and some bible verse cards I had in my bible. While I was rummaging through my purse I had the thought “eh I don’t really want to, I could just go home and not talk to them.” Of course I would have that thought! My next thought was “what if this is the only time they hear about Jesus.” I opened my car door and started to walk up to them and said “hey I want you to go buy one of these green teas cause they’re delicious” and handed Grace the $5. Then I started to say “I don’t ever shove my faith down people’s throats but I wanted…… I couldn’t even get the next words out of my mouth and Grace jumped up and yelled “PRAISE JESUS!” And grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever recived from a stranger. I was in compete shock!. I couldn’t believe it. They already knew the Lord. They told me their stories, which were incredible. Glen told me how he became a traveler and how he read the  verse (Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”) so he literally did that. For the past three years. And about 9 months ago he felt the lord saying to go to Florida to find a wife. He did and he found grace while he was walking in the woods. And they got married that day in the woods, just them and God. All they want to do in life is to share the Lords live for everyone. Glen said he just wants to stand up and shout it all the time. Hahah this was so rad. So funny. So awesome. Only God could have done this. I couldn’t have thought that storyline up if I wanted too. I didn’t think for a second that they would be believers. But God always has another plan, a greater plan. So what I want to say, is if God is saying something to you, just listen. Don’t worry about those negative thoughts in your head. Don’t let a moment of embarrassment or fear stop you from just telling someone about Jesus. You seriously never know what will happen. I sure didn’t, all I wanted was green tea and God gave me something so much greater! 

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“I know the desires of your heart kid!”

Gosh I haven’t written in a long time. I just re-read the last post that I wrote 160 days ago, (just rest kid). It was about resting in the Lords presence and waiting upon him to lead us to the right path or passion instead of being restless. What I could start out saying is that God is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good and He knows us better than we know ourselves. He has shown me that.  I think all know that but we all have times where we feel like we are waiting for an answer to a prayer for eternity. Waiting on happiness. Waiting for love. Waiting for a passion. Waiting on God to speak. We feel empty and without a purpose at times.  When I wrote my last post, I was in a waiting period, I was just wanting God to show me my next step. During the past few months of waiting, I asked the Lord to speak some words into my heart. And you know what he said “Hollie, I know the desires of your heart, just trust me.” Of course I have always known this, but in the waiting it gets frustrating. But I now know why he was saying those words to me. So About a month ago I went on a trip with Samaritans purse to Long Island to help rebuild homes from hurrican sandy. I couldn’t have been filled with more joy that entire week. Just being surrounded by fellow believers and serving was just such a peaceful and whole feeling in my heart. I knew it was right. I knew I was meant to be there. While I was there i was told about an opportunity to go to Alaska and serve wounded veterans for a month in the summer. So of course I applied! I didn’t want to say that I knew I would be excepted, but I kinda did. Haha. Right after I was told about this trip, I felt like the Lord saying “this is it Holl”  Ive been craving things like this. Serving God, being the hands and feet of Jesus, having complete strangers become family. I’ve been dreaming of standing in front of mountains and waterfalls. Exploring. Seeking. Adventuring. And now I get too. 160 days ago I had no idea. I had no idea God would put this crazy adventure in my life! Ah the waiting was so worth it. Just maybe I wasn’t ready for this 160 days ago. Maybe you’re not ready for what you think you’re ready for. Maybe he still has some refining and strengthening to do. So all I could say, is that Oh does God know the desires of your heart. He does and you just gotta trust he is going to blow your mind with the things he will do. I could have never thought this journey for myself. I’m so glad I follow a God who is so much smarter and way more creative than I am. And that he knows the desires of my heart! Praise God for that.   

Where Shore Meets the Sea

an Evangelist's Wife

I hold on to things. I’m by no means a hoarder, but I definitely still have “Babs”, the stuffed-dog I got when I was two. (And I definitely still sleep with her, my husband has accepted this.) I hold on to memories and love and pain all the same. Like stepping away from relationships. All of those years I held knuckle-white tight. And learning to be independent and who I am as this person God created. If we let them, people will shape us into a shadow of ourselves, and when they leave we can’t recognize our own reflections. Sometimes we have moments where we have to choose whether to remain stuck in the waiting for change to hopefully come or we have to take the leap to reach change now.

I get lost in my own mind sometimes and relive moments with my grandma, I still have her number…

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Just rest Kid!

I have been feeling God speaking to me lately about being still. I have a feeling like it is a time of change for many of us right now. Great seasons are ending and new ones will begin but right now I feel God is saying “Just rest kid”. To rest in his peace and presence. The Lord is wanting to strengthen us, encourage us, test us, grow us, and He is preparing us. He is setting a fire in our souls for a new passion without us maybe not realizing it, he is teaching us patience and and how to be courageous, He is filling and satisfying our souls every time we read the word. I feel The Lord working in a lot of us, there are so many fellow believers who are in this time of waiting, it’s confusing and for a lot of us.
I have personally been so impatient with God, just wanting something new and exciting to happen right now!
(“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭27‬:‭14‬) but I was thinking maybe I’m not quite ready for this next season He has for me. He is still strengthening and refining me. Putting me through a little bit of fire and slight anguish to see what I can handle. Not every moment will be sunny and joyful, but also not every moment will be dark, but we can be sure that in every moment and season, God will breathe hope and purpose into our lives. He says for those of us who have faith in the small things will have faith in the big things!

During the waiting and when a new chapter starts I think it is so very important to have the Spirit lead us into the unknown. I’ve been reading the book “Wild Goose Chase”, the wild goose being the Holy Spirit and how the Spirit is so unpredictable and untamed. Most of us have no idea what our next season is, which can be unsettling and scary, but uncertainty can actually be a great and unimaginable adventure that takes us to new and incredible heights in our walk with God. I want to invite the Spirit into every part of my life, to fill me love and awe of The Lord, to test me and push me, to start something new in my heart. One quote I just read from this book, “Bad things happen to good people. You will experience some shipwrecks and snakebites along the way. But when you give Jesus complete editorial control over your life, he begins writing His-story through your life.” It’s not the most profound thing I’ve ever heard but it’s for sure a perfect reminder of the simplicity of giving it all to Him. Cause He knows better, I think we can all agree on that one.

For me I’ve always asked God for his voice and for him to guide me to my next step, but now I feel like he’s saying something different. He’s telling me to make the first move and allow him to bless my steps. He knows we are searching His heart, He knows that we have him in mind with our decisions, we just need to GO!! It’s not like He doesn’t have our backs if we fail or if it doesn’t work out. Because more than likely that failure or mistake was to probably teach us and refine us more. Go figure, because in those moments of failure we only see the bad and not the great things the Lord can do with those “mess-ups”. But really, if you’re not hearing his voice maybe it’s time for you to just move, jump, leap, walk and let him pull you back if it’s not right. It’s all about that thing called faith!!

I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. (‭Isaiah‬ ‭46‬:‭4)

I am a Christian and a Hypocrite

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Lately i have been feeling so attacked by peoples words, no matter how meaningless to others it might seem, they hurt. People saying to me that I complain a lot, I am too sarcastic, i don’t think before i speak and the one that hurts the most to my heart, I’m a hypocrite. Ouch!!……Peoples words against you start to tare you down and you can’t help but wonder am I doing all of this right? Am I someone who is a good example of a follower of Jesus? How do i come across to others? Those are all thoughts that have been rolling through my mind. Your mind sometimes just cant get off the negative.

I have always been a joyful person, that’s something that I believe is one of my gifts. I will definitely admit I do think that Iet prideful about it. I feel like a good person when I’m happy and the rest of the people around me are grumpy and swearing. Its the truth. I do judge others for sinning differently than me. I would be lying if i didn’t say all of this. I sin. I judge, cheat, lie, gossip, I’m prideful and not very nice sometimes. So I am a lot of those things people say I am. And I so badly want to change all the junk about me that doesn’t reflect Jesus! So bad. I just wish that could be the perfect example of Jesus’ love. But I can’t.

Christians get bad wraps for being judgmental and hypocrites, it’s cause a lot of us are. We are still human, we do make mistakes. We are so very far from perfect it’s not even funny. But THAT’S WHY WE ARE CHRISTIANS! Because we need a Savior to help us out. To make us become better people. To strengthen us, test us, forgive us, and love us. So maybe, just maybe we could give that back to the world and show them that’s why we follow Jesus. My faith is not something to go around acting like I’m better than everyone else, cause the truth is I’m probably worse. My faith in Jesus is something to be proud of in a humble way, to show people my faults but know that i am forgiven and so are they.

Send me.

I’ve been thinking about my sin and mistakes lately. Rehashing and replaying them in my head over and over. Feeling guilt and shame because I think I just cant make God proud of me. That hurts my heart. So much. We all have struggles, no matter what it is, addiction, pride, doubt, jealousy, its a big deal to us because we know that we hurt our one true God. That guilt can just tear us so far down that we forget to even remember, first that we are forgiven by His grace and second, God can use us no matter where we are in life. That’s a beautiful thought. I mean think about it, some of the most famous people in the bible made some major mistakes, Jonah decided not to listen to God and ran the other way. Solomon married over 700 women and started to worship other gods. Moses doubted Gods plan for him to conquer. David slept with Bathsheba and made foolish decisions to hide what he did. Job started to doubt and question God.  But that didn’t stop God from using any of them in marvelous ways. He knew they messed us, and sinned, and were so far from perfect but he still knew their potential and made them into great servants and leaders with a little push and leap of faith. Whats to say God wont use us in miraculous ways?

Recently I came across a devotional based around Isaiah 6:8. (“Then I heard the Lord asking, “whom should I send as a messenger to these people? Who will go for us?”  I said “Here I am Lord, send me!”) That’s called obedience friends. He was just ready to serve His God. Didn’t skip a beat to say, Me! I am ready!  Even before God asked this question, Isaiah saw God and immediately felt shame and unworthy, but God right away (like He always does) removed those sins and guilt. and right after God washed him clean of his sins, he made probably the best decision he could have made, to obey God!! I mean, WOW.

So here the thing, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But the God of the universe, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the creator, the Alpha and Omega, and the ruler of the earth. He forgive us, but for some strange reason we hold tight onto our sin………. I don’t get it either. We just need to figure out a way to first forgive ourselves and learn from those past sins and try with everything we are to not fall into them again. But even if we mess up 9,000 times he is then still ready to use us. He created all of us with a unique purpose and destiny. He wants to send us to those who are hurt, abused, hopeless, unloved doubting and everyone who doesn’t know the unending love of God. We just need to step out of the boat and trust. LETS GO!

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations.”

Doubt.

Do you doubt? Doubt in yourself, in God, where your life is headed and if it is going to be what you wanted, if you’ll find a spouse, if God will heal you, if your worth it? Cause I do. I’m doubting a lot right now. I never thought I would be saying or writing those words. Never. I have always been someone who thought I had a pretty good amount of faith in God and who always knew that God’s plan was great and perfect for me. I mean He says it right? (For i know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, journey to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11) If he says it then why don’t we just believe it and have peace with in our selves?

I’m about to graduate from college in 4 months, that’s exciting but also terrifying to me, cause it means i need to start thinking about my life. Which is obvious but thoughts are running through my head that don’t feel that great. A quick look into what I want in life, to own a ministry(soon), go on a crazy amount of missions trips (right now?)  be married (young?), adopt (not for awhile?). That’s it, if I had all that, I would be so happy! Or would I? God’s plan usually turns out way different and way better than we can imagine or expect.

There’s something in me and maybe you that’s just holding back from fully giving it to God. We all have thoughts of our future. Thoughts like, why would God let me build a ministry at the age of 19 when others wait till their 30 to find their calling in life. Why would God give me this job opportunity when there are many other who deserve it more than me? Who would God give me anything? I don’t deserve it! Yeah we are right we don’t deserve it, But God love us. He loves to make us smile, he loves to put someone in our to change us for the better, he loves to forgive us, no matter what all he does is love.  He knows our hearts already, we don’t have to ask for things but He wants us too. I’m sure he is sitting up in Heaven just waiting for each one of us to just talk to him. Yeah he knows everything that happened in our day and the dreams we want to come true, and the things that we want to change about ourselves, but He longs for us to just build that bond with him and talk. He may already have that answer to that prayer waiting for you, but hes just waiting for you to ask.  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” Matthew 7:7 He says it right there! Ask, just ask, and if its right then he will give it to you.

Lies are what enemy just loves for us to believe, satan brings out insecurities in ways we never thought we had. We really have no right to think that God wouldn’t give us something we want. We need to find the trust and faith in Him that he IS able to do anything he wants. Maybe its not the right time or its not right at all but we need to take a step back and think of all the times Gods plan turned out 100x better than our plans. God says not to doubt. He says “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” And he has done such great things! I am thankful for his mercy on me. thankful for his peace and joy in my heart, and for all the hard times that made me stronger. But I’m most thankful for his endless and outstanding belief and faith he has for me! He never gives up when I fail and sin. He just waits and has no doubt that I can become the person I strive to be more like. Jesus.

 

Beautiful Things

The thought of dust, it’s nothing really great or pretty to think about. It’s really nothing at all, it’s more annoying than anything, it really has nothing good about it, right? Well Just wait, read this little piece of greatness written by my friend Jason.

“I had a thought this morning (shocking, right) … I hate dust. It covers surfaces making them dull, it gets in your lungs making you cough and it gets in your eyes and making them itch. Its made of dead skin and dirt and nothing pleasant at all. There is nothing that dust has to offer, nothing about dust to even like…. However, the beauty of a sunrise or sunset is caused by light as it filters, reflects and refracts because of dust. With light shining through, its beautiful. It has worth. Gen 2:7 It’s interesting God chose to make us out of dust… And that he calls himself Light. It’s amazing what dust can do with Light shining through.”

It’s a simple concept and a simple song but the meaning behind it is outstanding and just beautiful. God takes us, he breathes life into us everyday, he loves us, blesses us, comforts us, forgives us, he does all these amazing things. And ya know what we do? We sin against him, ignore him, break his heart, maybe thank him when life is going right, or send up a prayer when we are in need of something. Needless to say the relationship isn’t exactly mutual or fair. He gives us so much and we don’t give him nearly enough. But he does something, something that just doesn’t seem fair on his end. He takes our horrible sin and disobedient hearts and forgives them, heals them and restores them. He makes us better and more beautiful even after we hurt him endless times! He takes satan’s evil lies and failures and turns it into his Glory to build his Kingdom. He loves us so much! He didn’t just create us and leave us down here to be alone. He is working hard to make our lives great, even when we don’t care about them ourselves. His love is endless and great, we can’t mess up to many times for him to leave us, he is a God of way more than second chances. And He will always make us beautiful.

“Because God knows how we’re made, God remembers we’re just dust. The days of a human life are like grass: they bloom like a wildflower; but when the wind blows through it, it’s gone; even the ground where it stood doesn’t remember it. But the Lord ’s faithful love is from forever ago to forever from now for those who honor him.” (Psalm 103:14-17)

Beautiful Things:

He is Always there.

For the past month my walk with God hasn’t been at its strongest at all. But when I finally sat down and read my bible last night it’s like nothing ever stopped. I felt so good and had such peace in my heart today, having Gods word quietly whisper to me. God waits for us, he doesn’t get impatient and yell, He doesn’t give up on us, He just sits there and waits for us to draw near to him. I really can’t imagine how happy he is when we do. From those who go back to doing devotionals after months to others who find Christ for the first time. He is probably ecstatic up in heaven! I can just see His angles singing and celebrating because one of his children starts growing their relationship with him! I am so thankful for the patience he has for me, I definitely wouldn’t make it without his constant love

You know me.

This is beautiful! And we are beautiful because of Gods outstanding and endless love for each one of His children!

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